Becoming You

You're not alone if you don't know who you are or what you're doing.

Welcome to the quarter life crisis. I'm one of the millions of 20 something year old's who are currently involuntarily going through it. The annoying thing is, no one gives you any warning. All I'd ever heard about was the mid life crisis and then all of a sudden I'm having a quarter life crisis?  I suppose it's okay though because it's normal and I think most people go through it at some point. Still, it's hard not to press the self destruction button.

When I finished my A levels, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I spent the last three years working, and nothing was changing except my age. I was never fully happy because I felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing, but I had no idea what it was I wanted to do. It was a very confusing and frustrating time; everyone around me seemed to be going to uni and furthering their careers, whilst I was still stuck in the same situations since my 18th. I felt like I hadn’t achieved anything, frequently asking myself ‘what am i doing with my life?’ I decided it was time to do something.

So if you're stuck in a rut, here's a few tips on kicking that self-loathing addiction:

I think a good starting point is to find your skills and talents and nurture them. What are you good at and what do you enjoy? Do more of what feels right for YOU. Sometimes other people may think they know what's best for you but only you can know what feels right. You have to be in control of your own choices and decisions. Spend some time each week putting time into what you love and you will start to feel happier and more motivated. Think about your strengths and weaknesses and what you’re passionate about. This can take time, some people may figure things out quickly and others may take more time, but don’t be thrown off if it takes a while for you to figure things out.

One thing I personally struggle with is deciding on one thing to concentrate on and pursue, I feel I have too many interests that I can’t commit to just one and instead end up doing nothing at all. So now I put time and effort into all my interests and try to further and develop my skills in everything I love. Don’t feel pressured into chasing just one goal if you have a few, otherwise you could be preventing yourself from doing anything at all.

Embrace jealousy. When we see someone doing what they love and becoming successful at it we cant help but feel jealous. I think sometimes we spend so much time obsessing over someone else's life that we forget to concentrate on our own. All that wasted energy spent drooling over someones instagram could be put into pursuing our own goals. The difference between you and these successful people is that that they concentrated on themselves and believed they could do it. So instead of being jealous of someone elses success, be inspired by it. Everyone has to start somewhere so let the success of someone doing what they love inspire you to start doing the same.

Set achievable goals. You’re never going to get where you want to be overnight and I think this is where a lot of us lose our motivation. Sometimes the bigger picture can seem so far out of reach that we end up doing nothing because we think its unachievable. So instead set yourself small, achievable goals that all go towards that bigger picture. This will help keep you motivated and stop yourself from giving up.
Stop making excuses for yourself and why you can't do things. I was the worlds worst person for doing this, my favourite was 'I'm not good enough' but how do we know that unless we try and push ourselves to be good enough. It's so easy to come up with reasons as to why you can't do things or be the person you want to be, but this leads to nothing. You will never progress or achieve the things you want if you constantly make excuses as to why you can't. However, if you start believing in yourself and believing you can do things you will start feeling better in yourself and you will start to become more motivated.

I’m not necessarily where I want to be but I’m much happier now that I am doing things I enjoy, things that I think I’m good at. The way I see it is we have one life and it's up to ourselves to decide how to live it to its full potential. It can be hard to figure out what you want to do with your life but even if you don't have a clear plan, which I definitely don't, just do what feels right for you. Start to become the person you want to be and taking small steps towards the bigger goal. Over time what you want may change your ideas and views might change but as long as you keep doing you, you can’t really go wrong.


  1. I freaking love this post and agree with it 100%!!! You definitely have the same view point as me and even though I know this there's time I just forget about it, especially when times are hard. This post is really encouraging and motivational. Keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.


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